I Don’t Feel Inspiring.
If all goes well during this next series of visits which includes a CT scan and I’m still No Evidence of Disease, I have four more infusions. I’m torn. While I’m so grateful that I’m receiving a drug that is keeping the cancer at bay, I also feel like I’m dragging a ball and chain around my ankle. I can’t wait to cut loose from this constant reminder that my last year wasn’t a dream but actually a nightmare come true.
So, does my attempt to live my life crammed with reminders that I’m alive make me an inspiration? I guess it does for some and I’m ok with that. But, just remember, I’m no different than anyone else. There’s nothing special about me. I’m digging deep to find the strength to live in the face of my circumstances. I’m not alone. Everyday there are millions of people around the world doing the same thing under worse circumstances. I look to them for my inspiration. And, maybe that’s what we do for each other. We are connected through our humanness. We are connected through our vulnerabilities and our strengths. No one is immune to pain and loss. We carry these experiences and they become our stories. But, also remember that we are the Authors of our Stories. We write the scripts. It’s not what happens to us that shapes who we are. It’s how we interpret what happens to us that defines who we become.
My story? Well, the plot is still unfolding. I don’t know how the story will end. But, I do know I’m rewriting the script everyday so no matter the circumstances it will end on a positive note.