The Next Chapter
It was February in Colorado, a cold and snowy month, when I last posted about my “Cancer Journey”. And, now, the sun is setting on this 5th of July. I spent the Holiday weekend being as physically busy as possible. Here I am with Ginger practicing our paddle board techniques. It’s been 10 weeks since my last chemotherapy infusion and in that time I’ve worked hard to get ready for the next phase of this thing called “my life”. Tomorrow I’m having a prophylactic double mastectomy with reconstruction. I’m doing this to reduce my chances of developing breast cancer from over 85% to less than 5% in the course of my lifetime.
Honestly, I wish I had some newly developed insights to share with you. I’d like to say that I’ve had these great epiphanies since I last wrote in February. No. Not really. Although it wasn’t my intention to go underground, I think I needed a break from this cancer thing. As I’ve moved farther away from chemotherapy and my hair is growing and my appetite has returned and I’ve gained my weight back and I’ve grown stronger, I don’t want to be associated with a disease that tried to kill me. I don’t want to look back. Yet, tomorrow’s surgery is all about preventing what could be. Tomorrow’s surgery is all about stopping what might happen in the future. I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around this one. I’m doing it because it’s the “right thing” to do for me. I’m doing it because that means I’m living my life as if I will not die of ovarian cancer any time soon so I better reduce my ridiculously high risk of developing breast cancer (I have the BRCA 1 gene). Even now, as I write, this whole thing seems surreal. Can this be really happening?
It’s happening. It’s yet another opportunity to make meaning of what often doesn’t make any sense. I’ll keep you posted.
And, I’ll see you on the other side…..