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Winning the Battle?


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Battling cancer. I hear this all the time. My fight against cancer. You don’t really hear this “war” analogy with other life-threatening diseases, such as heart disease or diabetes. A cancer diagnosis brings urgency and intensity. There’s a call to arms. I’m called a Warrior.

The thing is: I don’t feel like I’m fighting. I feel like I’m enduring. I feel more like a prisoner of war waiting to be released than a warrior battling cancer. I do feel like the chemotherapy is torture. Before I even started treatment and early into my treatment, I tried guided meditations, imagery and visualizations portraying chemotherapy as shining beacons of light, moving through my veins and removing any cancer it came across. I’m still trying to empower myself and to feel engaged in the process. But as I draw closer to finishing my heavy, hard-hitting frontline chemo, I feel more like I’m the collateral damage in this War between chemotherapy and cancer. Sorry, but chemotherapy and I are not friends anymore.

Don’t worry. I haven’t raised the white flag. I’m not calling it quits. I have one more “kick my ass” treatment scheduled for May 15th. Then I will be released from the POW camp, I hope. I then continue with maintenance chemotherapy for a year. I’m calling it “chemo-light” as the medical team tells me the side effects are not as harsh. So that means, keeping with the war analogy, the gun is more like a .22 rather than a .45.

Until then, I’m counting down the days until I am released from this prison.

#battle #cancer #war

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